The Days Are Getting Darker

So I'm having one of those days where...
where -at the risk of sounding unnecessarily dramatic- the world seems like its closing in on me. I'm beginning to feel paranoid about what my friends think of me, about how they feel about the way I act or look or my evermore frequent mood changes (no, I'm not pregnant). I'm starting to doubt myself, and that scares me. A lot.
I spent 5 minutes looking myself in the mirror last night. Not fixing my hair or wiping away the panda eyes, just looking. I couldn't look myself in the eye for more than 10 seconds.
I couldn't stand in my own company for more than those five measley minutes.
Every where I go I hurt someone. Every time I go someone hurts me. A numbing circle.
Break time with them and lunchtime with them makes it hard to keep up with plans and jokes. I heard my laugh for the first time in a quite a few weeks and it made me cringe. Instead of genuinely amused it sounded harsh, detached and forced.
Gee, there are a lot of clusters in this blog today.
The things I have said without thinking about how I should be saying them have been awful. Coming out bitchy instead of jokey. I used to laugh and joke all the time with everyone. Now it's like I'm subconsciously trying to punish them.


Right Where It Belongs - Nine Inch Nails





So easily distracted.

Queen Shit of Fuck Mountain.

(The Ashes of) The Olympic Torch xx